Addicted
by Akaiba
Summary: A song-fic to Addicted by Kelly Clarkson describing Vincent's relationship with Sephiroth if Cloud hadn't defeated Sephiroth at the end of FFVII. SLASH YAOI No really explicit lemon but its implied. Follows Vincent's thoughts more.


Hey guys. Sorry Hey There Infinity has been so slow going, its summer so both me and Tragedy are a bit busy. I have been writing more of it though and the next chapter, after being editted by Tragedy, should be up soon. In the mean time enjoy some Vincent X Sephiroth stuff...

To be honest, I'm a little depressed so I don't want to say enjoy this and I don't even know what to call it! Just... read it if you like. Remember, reviews make me happy. X3

Its a song-fic btw, to the song Addicted by Kelly Clarkson. I don't really like her music but somehow it inspired me. BLEH.

Oh, and this hasn't been beta'd so any mistakes are ones i've missed. Sorry in advance!

* * *

**Addicted**

_It's like you're a drug  
It's like you're a demon I can't face down_

Vincent didn't move or even look up as he heard the door to the bedroom open. It could only be one person. His eyes half shut, blankly looking upon the world with eyes that showed he wasn't even really there anymore.

_It's like I'm stuck  
It's like I'm running from you all the time_

He felt the bed shift softly as the other person sat down, gentle and careful not to wake the man who wasn't asleep. Vincent wasn't fooled, Sephiroth knew he wasn't asleep. He was just playing along until it suited him. There was a few rustling noises and Vincent faintly heard Sephiroth remove his boots, his leather clothing creaking as he moved, rustling audibly over his skin and folds of the material. That sound would always haunt him, that soft, whisper of a motion that could only be from _him_.

Cloud wore leather, hell even Vincent wore leather but neither of them made a sound like _him_ when they moved.

_And I know I let you have all the power  
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around_

A soft hand ghosted over Vincent's vacant face, cat-like green eyes noticing Vincent didn't even have his eyes closed. No reason to pretend now.

The touch lingered before pulling back, Vincent remaining utterly unresponsive and still throughout enduring Sephiroth's gaze. After a moment more of that intense look the general finally spoke up. "How do you feel Vincent?"

What a strange question. It wasn't demanding or even authoritive, just… mildly curious. Vincent could answer it as his leisure as was implied. But why ask that? Of all the things to ask… how did he answer? He didn't want to answer but even though he knew he could answer when he liked he must answer or suffer the consequences of ignoring Sephiroth.

_It's like you're a leech  
Sucking the life from me_

"I'm… tired…" The gunman replied slowly, his voice as loud as a breeze and just as soft as he forced himself to reply, his voice clearly showing its lack of use speaking and overuse of screaming.

Sephiroth nodded. The atmosphere didn't become tense in the silence however, it was just empty. Neither had anything to say but there were no queries as to who belonged to whom. The black angel would speak when he felt words were necessary and Vincent would respond to being spoken to but never speak of his own volition other then to inquire after his friends. Feeling generous, Sephiroth answered before the question was asked.

"They are still alive." He murmured.

Vincent closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. His heartache easing only a minuscule amount to know his friends were still alive. Gently the bed dipped again as Sephiroth leant over the dark haired man, his silver hair spilling around them ethereally, and bent his head to claim Vincent's mouth commandingly.

_It's like I can't breathe  
Without you inside of me_

Feeling Sephiroth's tongue within his mouth Vincent let out another shuddering breath but this one eased him completely. The warmth and possession the master swordsman enveloped him in pulled him under once more and he was merely a puppet and toy for Sephiroth's pleasure.

Dead to everything but Sephiroth and the man's hands over his body, the weight inside of him and the eyes that watched him, never looking away as Vincent fell harder, more deeply. His cries and his expressions of pleasure were swallowed and drank in by those eyes, unforgiving and shameless as they watched the ageless man succumb again and again…

_And I know I let you have all the power  
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time_

There was no escape.

With the realization that hit him many times every day and with no lessening of an effect Vincent allowed Sephiroth to make him come, his fate sealed with the spilling of their seeds but it wasn't as if it was the first time. But… with each time… Vincent lost more and more of himself to the other man, slowly becoming wholly Sephiroth's.

As Sephiroth withdrew, preparing to sleep beside the sinner he had chained to his soul, when Vincent panted in the dim light of the room, "Why me?"

Sephiroth only looked surprised by the question for a moment before he smirked and shot back coolly. "Why couldn't you pull the trigger?"

Vincent's eyes widened and then closed in shame. His mind flashed back to the final battle where all his friends had fallen, defeated by the insane general's might. Cloud lay near by, calling out his name and telling him to end it all. Raising his gun, Cerberus shaking in his hold, Sephiroth turned to the gunman.

Of all of the group Vincent was the most powerful, embodied with demons and an impossibly accurate shot there was no way Vincent could lose. Sephiroth was weakened, if only marginally, from disposing of the others and that would be enough to ensure Vincent's victory.

But… he couldn't pull the trigger.

_It's like I can't breathe_

Vincent dropped his arm, the gun falling to the floor from his loose grasp.

Sephiroth grinned and began to approach with the breathless, gasping cries of shock from the fallen fighters deaf to his ears as he neared _his _beautiful creature of darkness. Pulling Vincent against his chest, the smaller man's face one of shock and horror of realization though it didn't bother Sephiroth; Sephiroth didn't care so long as he had Vincent.

_It's like I can't see anything_

He couldn't kill Sephiroth.

Though the others would never know when or how Sephiroth had met Vincent during their travels, been taken by him against his will and had liked it. He'd liked the possession, the ownership, the way he didn't have to be strong and protect and act for himself or others. Sephiroth did it for him, protected him, kept him alive and claimed him.

He began to weep and he didn't think he'd ever be able to stop as Sephiroth just held him and said nothing.

It wasn't long before Sephiroth moved the others to a dungeon below Shinra Mansion, keeping them there at Vincent's pleadings, and Vincent's last look at his friends before they parted was from Cloud and it was one of pure disgust and hatred, breaking his heart in two to know his friend would never understand.

_Nothing but you_

Sephiroth was more than willing to compensate for any loneliness Vincent felt but the love he knew he had for the general wasn't the same in reverse.

Sephiroth didn't love Vincent. He _owned _him.

And there wasn't a _damn_ thing Vincent could do or wanted to do about it.

_I'm addicted to you_

His kisses were consuming, his touches electric, driving life and passion back into his fading body until he was screaming out in ecstasy and crying out Sephiroth's name to the darkening heavens and welcoming Sephiroth's claim over him.

Everything Sephiroth did to him sparked a fire that enraged the love he had for him, a love he knew he shouldn't have and was broken to admit he harboured.

But he couldn't stop.

_It's like I can't think_

Hell, if there'd been an option about this Vincent wouldn't have been in that situation. He wanted nothing more than to wake up angry and full of hate for the other man who used him so casually and possessed him so roughly but it wouldn't happen. It never did, no matter how much he wished for it.

He'd tried to puzzle everything out before and had just ended up crying again due to its impossible complexity.

_Without you interrupting me_

Whenever Vincent collected enough steely resolve to put right his decision to submit to the general, Sephiroth was gentle and kind and every bit the perfect lover until it was as if he sensed Vincent's defeat and then he was rough again.

It wasn't just the sex that was rough either; he'd pull Vincent apart with words that hurt far deeper than any dry-fucking. Mockery of Vincent's failed love with Lucrecia was one of few ways Sephiroth destroyed Vincent from the inside out until he had nothing… was nothing…

Not without Sephiroth inside him, beside him and with him.

_In my thoughts_

All his thoughts were invaded by Sephiroth. No matter what he dreamed or what he wished, everything came back to the man lying beside him, deep in slumber.

Vincent knew Sephiroth, the real Sephiroth, the man he was before Jenova's control, was in there somewhere. He kept hoping and praying he would be able to resurface through the control of his indirect mother. He'd seen the various documenting files of Sephiroth's youth and various occasions during Shinra's past when Sephiroth had addressed the public and he knew the real Sephiroth.

The real Sephiroth was indeed ruthless but only because he was raised that way. He smiled softly, as radiant and beautiful as any angel and then some. The real Sephiroth could love.

_In my dreams_

Or at least… that was his dream.

He'd pretend he'd wake up one day and Sephiroth would be Sephiroth again and Jenova would be gone forever.

_You've taken over me_

But… either way… Vincent wasn't leaving the general.

He craved and needed that touch, he could withstand the pain and the heartbreak if Sephiroth would make him feel like that. He knew for a fact that Sephiroth never went to any other and that at least let him blindly believe the Sephiroth at least needed him a little.

But he also knew Sephiroth owned him so any thought of him losing Vincent and having an insatiable need was erased.

_It's like I'm not me_

Vincent was confined to Sephiroth's rooms, the only functional area of Shinra mansion, and leaving would garner him severe punishment.

There was no way Vincent could leave. He was a caged bird now.

When he looked in the bathroom mirror he didn't even recognize himself anymore, the ungentle glass harshly revealing his soulless appearance. Vincent normally looked ghostly and something akin to a vampire or zombie or something that made others draw back in fear but now…

Now he looked utterly dead, in both appearance and his eyes.

_It's like I'm lost_

_It's like I'm giving up slowly_

He didn't know whether he was trapped inside himself, his will to fight back bound by himself, or whether he was captivated by the moonlight haired angel who held his strings. He wanted to believe his choices and actions were done and the fault of Sephiroth, he wanted no responsibility of the person he was becoming.

But he knew that wasn't the case.

He was losing his real self within the pleasing mask of obedience and submission Sephiroth requested.

And why fight it? It wasn't as if he _could_ fix everything now. He'd signed over his soul the moment he dropped his gun. It was his first and biggest step into Sephiroth's control but he knew that that was it. There was no going back and he knew it.

He couldn't kill Sephiroth now. The man left him plenty of options to do so, the gunman knew his claw would be more than enough to slice open the soft, ivory skinned neck and stain the silk sheets red. He'd been left with everything he had; Sephiroth had taken away none of his possessions. He could use his gun if he wanted to keep himself clean.

But he couldn't. He'd given up that option a long time ago.

_It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me_

_Leave me alone_

The flickering image on that grainy screen of Sephiroth's smiling face, free of malice and utterly content as he watched a much younger Cloud and a then alive Zack muck around with Zack teasing little Cloud about something. Vincent had felt his heart lurch at that beautiful face so calm and so… happy. Not care-free, the worries and fearful knowledge of war were clearly defined in his eyes as was his nature but he at least seemed happy in that moment.

And then Vincent turned his head to look at the slumbering face of the same body lying next to him and he saw there was no happiness… only cruelty.

Upon Vincent's first realization of the difference between the two Sephiroth's, the one of the past and the one of the present, he'd tried to escape, tried to make everything right again and it had only taken one kiss from those lips that were exactly the same but only knew sneers and no smiles and Vincent crumbled. His cries fell silent, his tears halting, his words dying in his throat.

There was no escape.

_And I know these voices in my head  
Are mine alone_

Sephiroth had Jenova within him; Vincent knew she was controlling him. He knew hers was the voice that whispered and ordered him, made him into the creature that lay in their bed.

But Vincent had no such excuse. The voices within his own mind that told him to give in, told him to give up his everything, they were his voices. Each had his voice and each was felt within his heart. Give up, give in, let go, become one with him, let him win, let him own you, let him kiss you, let him hold you, let him chase away the sins of years, let him take her place, let him make everything better…

And he did. He let Sephiroth do all those things. He let the man own his soul, the very last part of him, as blackened as it was, that he could call his own. Sephiroth had it all.

_And I know I'll never change my ways  
If I don't give you up now_

When he'd gone with Sephiroth the first time he'd known, _known_ who the man was, known what he was doing and known what Sephiroth was going to do to the world. He'd known it all.

And when he felt that mouth against his he just didn't fucking care.

Why should he? Why should he stand up for the world and stop the man, end that man who gave him such life and passion. So there was no love? Vincent could live with that. At least he knew Sephiroth cared only for him, turned only to him for release. Why should he save the world when he had been suffering from the world for almost 60 years, cursed to live forever without any reprieve? He had done nothing but love one women, tried his best to save her from herself and he had lost her. He had repented and apologized over and over until he had no more tears left to cry, no more words left to say and no more amount of heartache that would ease his pain. He would carry that pain forever.

The world had done nothing but give that pain to him.

_I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix_

Sephiroth… beautiful, beautiful Sephiroth had given him life again, made him feel pleasure and pain but a pain unfamiliar to the one in his chest, a physical pain that only heightened his pleasure. Why should he give up that for a planet that did nothing for him?

Sephiroth was the only one who knew the fullness of his sins and told him to his face that he was weak, pathetic for losing. He should have fought harder to protect what he loved and that he obviously mustn't have loved her as much as he thought if he had let her go so easily. And he was right. The others, of what little they knew about his past, kept telling him it wasn't his fault.

But it was. He knew that and Sephiroth knew it too.

All those cutting words, the words that made him break. They were the truth. He had wanted sympathy, needed the pity, anything to convince himself his mistakes weren't his own. But Sephiroth wouldn't lie to him. He would not give Vincent the illusion he wanted, just cold, hard, brutal truth.

He needed that, craved it like a drug.

_I can't take it  
Just one more hit_

That's why he kept coming back and finally gave himself fully.

He needed that relentless truth from the one person not afraid or even so inclined as to lie to him to make everything seem okay. Sephiroth looked at everything Vincent had done and told him point blank he was a failure. He was an absolute disgrace.

And Sephiroth was his redemption.

_I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it_

There was a part of him screaming at him that these thoughts weren't his own, he wasn't so dependent on Sephiroth, he wasn't a failure, he wasn't a disgrace.

But then what was he?

He was… nothing. Not with Sephiroth.

Right…?

All those thoughts racing about his mind, destroying every fabric of his self that he had pieced together from his sins, everything he held dear and sacred in his mind was torn apart by these clamouring voices. There was nothing that was his anymore. He didn't even think he remembered how to breathe.

_Just one more time  
Then that's it_

"No…" Vincent breathed. His hands against his brow, practically tearing at his hair as he sat upright in the bed and hunching over his knees as he tried to get the thoughts to stop. "Just who am I anymore…?"

He didn't know. He didn't know anymore. He wanted the thoughts to stop, to leave him alone. He hated thinking; it always left him in the same mess, confused as to which way was up and what exactly he was. He cried out and began to shake, tears streaking his pale face as his ruby red eyes scrunched up in distress.

_Just a little bit more to get me through this  
I'm hooked on you_

A soft skinned hand, protected from wear by the leather gloves the owner of said hand always wore, wrapped around the wrist of his hand closest to the now awake general. Sharply it was pulled from Vincent's hair and the older but younger looking man fell sideways from the force, landing against Sephiroth's chest.

"I'll tell you who you are," Sephiroth said firmly, his voice as clear as ever, not disturbed by sleep. "You are mine. You always will be." Tightening his hold on the smaller man to prove his point Vincent felt that ache and confusion abate, the voices die into nothing and his body calm.

This was why he couldn't shoot.

This was why he stayed.

This was why he was in love.

For this peace, the tranquility Sephiroth always gifted him with. Nothing made sense but when he was with the other like this it didn't need to. Just so long as those arms stayed wrapped around him.

_It's like I can't breathe_

There was no way Vincent could give this up, this warmth.

_It's like I can't see anything_

There was no way Vincent could let go of this, this fire.

_Nothing but you_

There was no way Vincent couldn't give in to this, this possession.

_I'm addicted to you_

There was no way Vincent couldn't let this win, this strange passion.

_  
It's like I can't think_

There was no way Vincent could get free of this, this hold.

_Without you interrupting me_

There was no way Vincent could stop this, this mouth that owned his.

_In my thoughts_

There was no way Vincent could help this, this freedom from his sins.

_In my dreams_

There was no way Vincent could end this, this completion.

_  
You've taken over me_

He belonged now.

_It's like I'm not me_

Now and forever.

_It's like I'm not me_

To hell with the world. It belonged to Sephiroth too now.

* * *

Is that depressing? Heart-warming? Confusing as hell? I think the latter. I was listening the song and I was doodling Vincent onto some paper than Sephy appeared behind him like some sort of creepy angel (duh, he is a creepy angel... well, a sexy creepy angel) and everything just went 'click' in my head. X3

Hope you liked it... or at least made some sense out of it. I had a cup of coffee this morning and I'm not supposed to. I'm allergic see. Not in the sense that I go hyper, i do but not in a funny, overly energetic kid kinda way. I get mega headaches and my brain goes fifty-to the dozen and I throw up. I thought it'd be a good idea to wake me up but it wasn't. -.- So thats my excuse fo this.

If you've just read this bit and gone 'so? i don't care about your life, just the fic' then you really shouldn't be reading the author's comments so i don't want a review saying 'nice story but the rant about your life was just stupid' i will make your life miserable. Be warned.


End file.
